Bus Nap
Wednesday night. Manhattan. Gonna just recount my day because that's what you do in a blog, right?
I woke up kinda late today. I was visiting my grandma (henceforth "Granny") and the room I'm staying in got ridiculously hot in the night due to the radiators being all the way open, so I had to get up and open all the windows. Then there were some weird noises coming from outside that kept me from sleeping. It turned out it was just deer walking around the backyard, but I had been worried some animal was on the roof and would waltz right on into the room. Also the pillows sucked (I like em soft). So I didn't sleep great. And when I woke up, I made the terrible error of grabbing my phone, and I lost nearly 2 hours to a TikTok rabbit hole.
When I finally got my ass up, it was already noon. I heated up some rice + beans + chicken that I had made yesterday. It was pretty good actually. I'm the polar opposite of Granny when it comes to seasoning food. I had put all kinds of spices in the beans, as well as the chicken so it could soak up the flavor. Granny, on the other hand, ate plain rotisserie chicken and plain steamed broccoli. Couldn't be me. Anyways, I read the New York Times Food section while I ate. The cover article was about how air fryers have taken off in the last year. I had always assumed they were just the same thing as convection ovens, but apparently there's some special sauce in their design that makes them more betterer, or something. I was more interested in the recipes, like the thai curry, citrus tonic, and French 75.
After lunch, Granny went out for a walk. I went on my phone to check the bus schedule and decide when I wanted to leave. I had been on the fence about whether I wanted to stay another night, but the bad sleep as well as my friend asking to play Valorant made my mind for me. I wanted to leave in the evening, but it turned out the two remaining busses of the day were to come at 2:30 and 2:46. Welp. I ended up finding Granny just starting her second trip around her route, and I pulled her back inside so we could chill together until I left. I usually walk with her when I visit, but I have a blister on my heel that makes it uncomfortable. Side note, Granny is a religious walker. She walks more regularly than she goes to church, and church is a big deal to her! I imagine it's great for her health, so it makes me happy. Unfortunately, she doesn't eat enough for the amount of exercise she's getting, so she's horribly skinny. Me and my folks are always encouraging her to eat more, because we're worried she doesn't have enough meat on her bones.
I'm gonna take a pause from recounting my day to talk a little about Granny's health, because its decline makes me really sad. Besides being underweight, her body is in about as good condition as you could hope for an 85-year-old. Her mind, not so much. She was diagnosed with dementia a few years back, and her condition has worsened rapidly since. She asks the same questions over and over and can never remember where she put her book or her phone or her glasses. It's frustrating for me to be repeating myself all the time, but it's the least I can do to let the frustration go and be as patient with her as she needs me to be. But those symptoms don't get her down too much, as far as I can tell. I think she doesn't notice that she's repeating herself most of the time. What's a lot scarier for the both of us are the voices. She keeps complaining about a radio being on somewhere in the house. At first she only mentioned hearing it when she was trying to sleep, but last night she mentioned it as we were relaxing together. I told her I didn't hear anything, and reinforced that I'm a rather perceptive listener (I am). I don't want to lie to her and say "I don't know, maybe I'm just missing it" or something like that, because it is definitely just in her head. Up until this point, I hadn't known that auditory hallucinations could be a symptom of dementia. I wonder how she rationalizes it and if I should have stated directly that it's probably the disease making her hear the radio. I ended up texting my mom about it. She knows Granny is experiencing this, but the text was for my own sake. It's really scary how the dementia is worse every time I visit. Sometimes it'll pop up in my head randomly and I'll cry about it. Thank god it impacts my emotions more than it does hers.
My consolation is that, by all accounts, Granny remains a very happy woman. Her biggest problem is loneliness, but at least she has church and, as of late, a babysitter (her words), who comes three times a week to drive her to activities like zumba and chair yoga. Oh right, her other biggest problem is that she can't drive. I mean, she is capable of driving, but my mom doesn't "let" her drive outside the town for safety reasons, a rule I firmly agree with. It's not like either of us are there to actually stop her, but she listens. She hates that she can't drive to the grocery store and other places, but judging by the last time she drove with me on the highway, driving isn't an option for her any more. So, of course, her inability to drive contributes to the loneliness. She's really starved for attention, so it's a big deal when I visit. (Though, it probably would be even if I were seeing her weekly. She always makes sure I know how much she loves me. My mom says I'm her favorite person. It's true. We're close. Closer than any of her other family, my mother included. She was basically my babysitter for the first ten years of my life. With my mom's constant business trips, I probably saw each of them about the same amount growing up. She's one of the sweetest people I've ever known and I love her dearly.) I'm gonna stop myself here on the topic of Granny, because hoo boy, that's a mighty block of text I just wrote. I have plenty more to say, but it can wait for the future.
So anyway, after I brought Granny back in from her walk. we sat next to each other on the couch. I wanted to revisit some 2-decade-old tapes from the camcorder I finally found. I had been trying to bring this thing back to the city with my for something like a year now, so I was pretty psyched about it. Uuuunfortunately, it wouldn't turn on, despite me having charged the battery overnight. So I ended up just going on my phone while she read. We talked a bit too, but I don't remember what about. When it came time to drive to the bus shelter, Granny insisted I take some food with me and wouldn't take "no" for an answer. The only thing I really wanted were these buckwheat noodles so I could make some yakisoba, but she wouldn't have it, so I grabbed some chips, Muscle Milk, and GoGo Squeez applesauce packets. I think my parents bought her the Milk in an effort to get some extra calories in her. Apparently my aunt sent the applesauce and Granny was offended to receive what was very clearly a convenient snack for young children. I was offended for her. Her youngest daughter sure loves sending things Granny doesn't want. She also sent a book that Granny hated, but I'm moving on now.
UGHHHH the text editor in github has started jumping up and down when I type and it's REALLY annoying. I can't see this line of text every other time I hit a key. Okay, I put some line breaks at the bottom, we're good to go.
Right before leaving, I realized I hadn't taken my meds yet because I was getting completely overwhelmed by the sensation of my hair touching my neck. Fun. Granny drove me down to the bus stop. I was still on edge from the hair thing and I felt awful when I snapped at her over something stupid. I apologized profusely. We both got out of the car. She waited inside the bus shelter while I paced around outside it so the driver could see me. The bus ended up coming nearly an hour late, but I'm gonna skip most of the details because it fucking sucked. I kept trying to get Granny to wait in the car because I was freezing my ass off and I didn't want her to also be cold, but she was stubborn as a mule. I didn't actually expect her to relent, but I feel morally obligated to try. Some tech-bro-looking dude wearing pink glasses eventually left his car and came to the shelter. A few minutes later I gave up on waiting outside when the pain in my toes grew to the point it worried me. My phone was practically out of battery and discord was having server issues so I ended up just looking around. I saw something written on the wall and the idea to add a skeleton saying "It's almost here!" below. After thinking about the design for a few minutes, I whipped out my Magnum Sharpie then immediately put it away because that thing STINKS! I actually kinda like the smell (throwback to when I huffed sharpie fumes for a few months in middle school) but I didn't want Granny and the Dude smelling it. It also occured to me that catching me vandalizing the bus shelter would make Granny sad, so that was enough to put the idea firmly out of my mind. The bus came a few minutes later. I got on and fell asleep watching the """closed eye visuals""" created by the sun being filtered through trees on the side of the highway.
I woke up right as the bus was pulling into the Port Authority Bus Terminal, grabbed my stuff, and hopped on the train. A few minutes later I was home and a few more minutes later Discord started working, so I hopped into a couple games of Valorant with my friend. It was comp and after winning two games I ranked up to bronze 2 for like the fifth time this month. He decided, against his best interests, to play one more game (it was nearly midnight for him). We found a third player to queue with and lost by a wide margin. Oh well. Sometimes she goes, sometimes she doesn't. That's just the way she goes, you know? I said my goodbyes and decided playing Beat Saber was a good idea, since I had been thinking about it earlier. I figure if I can make Beat Saber a habit it can help make up for my lack of exercise, especially in the winter when I would sooner watch Big Mouth than willfully spend an hour+ outside. Anyway, I'm pretty bad at the game, but it's fun, and I did get a sweat going. I mostly played Camellia songs. I love his work.
And so, after putting down my Oculus and deciding showering was just about the last thing I wanted to do, I came here. And proceeded to write way more than I expected to.